1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:20,000 2 00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:32,630 OK, here we go. 3 00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:37,205 This is me, David. It's August 2003 4 00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:39,830 and have been addicted to heroin and 5 00:00:39,830 --> 00:00:42,620 methadone for 20 years. The 6 00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:44,435 drug I've just taken will hopefully rid 7 00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:45,990 me of my long term addiction. 8 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,783 Just feeling a bit strange, bit 9 00:00:51,783 --> 00:00:54,680 dissociated. More so than ever. 10 00:01:01,841 --> 00:01:04,329 The risk I'm taking to end my habit and 11 00:01:04,329 --> 00:01:06,818 get my life back is that this drug could 12 00:01:06,818 --> 00:01:07,371 kill me. 13 00:01:10,401 --> 00:01:12,545 To understand how it got to this point, 14 00:01:12,545 --> 00:01:14,957 we need to take you right back to 1985, 15 00:01:14,957 --> 00:01:16,833 when I moved from the Highlands to 16 00:01:16,833 --> 00:01:19,584 Edinburgh. I was 23 and with 17 00:01:19,584 --> 00:01:22,101 my wife Denise, I became a heroin addict. 18 00:01:29,821 --> 00:01:31,907 I was devoted to heroin, like a convert 19 00:01:31,907 --> 00:01:32,951 to a new faith. 20 00:01:35,601 --> 00:01:37,715 It may sound weird, but being a junkie 21 00:01:37,715 --> 00:01:39,301 gave me a sense of identity. 22 00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:44,665 Amid experimental films about my needle 23 00:01:44,665 --> 00:01:46,968 fixation, obsession with death, my 24 00:01:46,968 --> 00:01:49,271 increasing devotion to addictive drugs. 25 00:01:55,201 --> 00:01:57,317 In 1988, after splitting up with Denise, 26 00:01:57,317 --> 00:02:00,038 I moved to Glasgow where I thought I'd be 27 00:02:00,038 --> 00:02:02,457 able to put my hair in addiction behind 28 00:02:02,457 --> 00:02:04,271 me, but it wasn't that easy. 29 00:02:09,071 --> 00:02:11,021 I found medical help from my drug habit. 30 00:02:11,871 --> 00:02:13,833 Doctor supplied me with a regular 31 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,141 prescription for methadone linctus. 32 00:02:17,281 --> 00:02:19,218 This synthetic drug has been the 33 00:02:19,218 --> 00:02:20,833 government approved substitute for heroin 34 00:02:20,833 --> 00:02:23,579 since the 60s. A replaced 35 00:02:23,579 --> 00:02:25,707 an illegal drug addiction with a legal 36 00:02:25,707 --> 00:02:26,011 one. 37 00:02:30,801 --> 00:02:32,935 From the mid 90s I worked as a 38 00:02:32,935 --> 00:02:35,685 projectionist. My free time I started 39 00:02:35,685 --> 00:02:37,883 to make my own film but other heroin 40 00:02:37,883 --> 00:02:40,082 addicts in order to try and understand my 41 00:02:40,082 --> 00:02:40,631 own addiction. 42 00:02:43,251 --> 00:02:45,460 I'm stabilized on methadone but still all 43 00:02:45,460 --> 00:02:46,721 my friends were addicts. 44 00:02:50,711 --> 00:02:53,381 I met Dennis in 1990. He'd been a junkie 45 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:55,161 in London back in the 60s. 46 00:02:57,071 --> 00:02:59,411 His son Chris was also a heroin addict. 47 00:03:01,901 --> 00:03:04,232 See, it's junkies are primitive people. 48 00:03:07,092 --> 00:03:09,586 We shouldn't sinks and eat biscuits all 49 00:03:09,586 --> 00:03:12,437 day long. Have you heard your hit? All 50 00:03:12,437 --> 00:03:14,931 right, just like that. Just like that. 51 00:03:14,931 --> 00:03:17,425 Big veins, big poppers, big poppers, big 52 00:03:17,425 --> 00:03:20,260 toppers. Are you feeling what Donor said? 53 00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:22,312 What am I doing now? I'm going to the 54 00:03:22,312 --> 00:03:23,908 toilet, even mine, because he said he's 55 00:03:23,908 --> 00:03:25,960 the blood, Donor said to me when I was 56 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,012 17. You've got nice big veins. So I knew 57 00:03:28,012 --> 00:03:30,064 the end was in my genetics to become a 58 00:03:30,064 --> 00:03:30,292 junkie. 59 00:03:33,092 --> 00:03:34,913 I spent most of my time with them and 60 00:03:34,913 --> 00:03:37,644 their tiny bed set. One night, 61 00:03:37,644 --> 00:03:39,632 an old pal deal turned up. 62 00:03:40,402 --> 00:03:43,137 He was fresh out of Berlin he prison and 63 00:03:43,137 --> 00:03:45,264 had been starved of drugs for four 64 00:03:45,264 --> 00:03:47,392 months. He was desperate for a hit. 65 00:03:50,492 --> 00:03:52,761 Having injected heroin myself and knew 66 00:03:52,761 --> 00:03:55,409 exactly what this craving was like, the 67 00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:56,922 need to escape reality. 68 00:03:58,432 --> 00:04:00,465 With his tolerance rate down, DL injected 69 00:04:00,465 --> 00:04:02,498 a cocktail of heroin and temazepam. I 70 00:04:02,498 --> 00:04:04,821 don't know if you can handle any more 71 00:04:04,821 --> 00:04:05,402 than that. 72 00:04:09,782 --> 00:04:10,832 Well, if you think you're right. 73 00:04:13,842 --> 00:04:16,612 DL this is supposed to be you stayingoff. 74 00:04:19,512 --> 00:04:20,192 Well. 75 00:04:23,622 --> 00:04:25,707 Dennis was desperate to get Deal out of 76 00:04:25,707 --> 00:04:27,791 the house but it was obvious he wasn't 77 00:04:27,791 --> 00:04:28,312 going anywhere. 78 00:04:32,812 --> 00:04:34,756 That was him, well and truly fixed for 79 00:04:34,756 --> 00:04:35,242 the night. 80 00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:44,642 Is this what you've been reading? 81 00:04:46,962 --> 00:04:47,462 Put, 82 00:04:52,372 --> 00:04:54,914 junkies will do anything to make a little 83 00:04:54,914 --> 00:04:57,138 cash. The coolest Midgy Reagan in Glasgow 84 00:04:57,138 --> 00:04:59,362 sifting through rubbish for goods tosell. 85 00:05:04,382 --> 00:05:05,192 For this one. 86 00:05:07,723 --> 00:05:08,323 Hi. 87 00:05:15,713 --> 00:05:17,947 You should leave that, leave that ticket 88 00:05:17,947 --> 00:05:20,819 on to you. You just got that in that 89 00:05:20,819 --> 00:05:23,053 place just because you see Barry Manilow, 90 00:05:23,053 --> 00:05:23,373 boxer. 91 00:05:26,603 --> 00:05:29,093 What's the price at 6995? 92 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:34,413 Do you think that's going to sell? Ohh, 93 00:05:34,413 --> 00:05:36,013 funny man was quite popular. 94 00:05:55,543 --> 00:05:57,217 We'll sail then, Chris. That means I'm 95 00:05:57,217 --> 00:05:58,413 going to have to walk. 96 00:06:03,713 --> 00:06:06,106 Manuel Yeah, 97 00:06:06,106 --> 00:06:09,075 OK. During the 98 00:06:09,075 --> 00:06:11,356 summer, Deal was a comical character, but 99 00:06:11,356 --> 00:06:14,288 he had a huge influence on the others and 100 00:06:14,288 --> 00:06:16,243 soon had them shoplifting with him. 101 00:06:17,393 --> 00:06:19,043 See that jumper there? What does it do? 102 00:06:22,923 --> 00:06:24,523 Nice one there. 103 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,793 These are the spoils from yesterday. 104 00:06:31,643 --> 00:06:34,548 Did you, are you involved in this DLC? 105 00:06:34,548 --> 00:06:37,453 I was. That's a Nick Faldo Pringle. It's 106 00:06:37,453 --> 00:06:40,358 worth 140 lbs. We'll do it for a 107 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,537 tenner because we're Def jam. That's 108 00:06:42,537 --> 00:06:45,442 worth 140 lbs. Yes, 150 lbs. I mean, 109 00:06:45,442 --> 00:06:47,984 everywhere you go, you start people using 110 00:06:47,984 --> 00:06:50,708 more and more. Magnetic personality. 111 00:06:50,708 --> 00:06:53,421 What is it about you don't know 112 00:06:53,421 --> 00:06:56,133 that the the she mean any drugs? 113 00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:06,262 I watched this. Heroin brought father and 114 00:07:06,262 --> 00:07:08,451 son closer together. Chris would help his 115 00:07:08,451 --> 00:07:11,265 dad shoot up in the neck. Veins in his 116 00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:12,204 arms had collapsed. 117 00:07:13,194 --> 00:07:18,644 118 00:07:29,224 --> 00:07:32,204 Like me, they used methadone. Seen 119 00:07:32,204 --> 00:07:33,604 it for when they had no heroin. 120 00:07:35,264 --> 00:07:37,052 We're sticking to my method and 121 00:07:37,052 --> 00:07:39,139 prescription, but more time is spent with 122 00:07:39,139 --> 00:07:41,524 them the more my resolve began to weaken. 123 00:07:45,044 --> 00:07:46,402 Drug dealers can be persuasive 124 00:07:46,402 --> 00:07:48,032 characters, and it didn't take long 125 00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:49,934 before it was offered a free hit. 126 00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:54,497 A smoked a little heroin 127 00:07:54,497 --> 00:07:56,884 and it felt great. 128 00:08:00,254 --> 00:08:02,174 Soon I was helping people shoot up. 129 00:08:02,794 --> 00:08:05,708 Handling syringes was too much for me. 130 00:08:05,708 --> 00:08:08,621 I started injecting myself and that day, 131 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:11,535 Sunday 21st March 1999, that was me 132 00:08:11,535 --> 00:08:12,784 at Junkie again. 133 00:08:15,734 --> 00:08:17,709 It was buying heroin in a regular basis 134 00:08:17,709 --> 00:08:19,683 with most of my wages going on. This 135 00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,164 stuff you did, you beat out. 136 00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:25,289 Go ahead. Is 137 00:08:25,289 --> 00:08:27,864 that?Song. 138 00:08:36,104 --> 00:08:38,528 DL turned the camera on me as I suffered 139 00:08:38,528 --> 00:08:40,144 the effects of too much heroin. 140 00:08:42,744 --> 00:08:45,174 Yeah, that was a good idea. 141 00:08:47,464 --> 00:08:48,254 Well. 142 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,746 Enemy The life of an addict is 143 00:08:56,746 --> 00:08:59,458 but full of ups and downs, and 144 00:08:59,458 --> 00:09:02,170 some of the downs are down the 145 00:09:02,170 --> 00:09:02,944 toilet pan. 146 00:09:07,754 --> 00:09:10,559 And these such is life. I could 147 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,364 no longer be objective. I was one 148 00:09:13,364 --> 00:09:16,169 of them again. No better, no worse. 149 00:09:16,169 --> 00:09:18,974 We were all taking the same risks 150 00:09:18,974 --> 00:09:19,375 now. 151 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:24,005 What's happened to him, Dennis? 152 00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:26,485 Ruth. 153 00:09:28,855 --> 00:09:31,081 Umm, seriously? 154 00:09:31,081 --> 00:09:32,195 Because. 155 00:09:33,825 --> 00:09:36,038 Every serious addict suffers the agony of 156 00:09:36,038 --> 00:09:37,935 a dirty hit from contaminated needles. 157 00:09:38,815 --> 00:09:40,265 Today it was DL's turn. 158 00:09:41,645 --> 00:09:42,625 Umm. 159 00:09:49,595 --> 00:09:49,975 There you go. 160 00:09:56,175 --> 00:09:57,965 Ohh no ohh. 161 00:10:00,805 --> 00:10:03,585 I was leading a double life at a job 162 00:10:03,585 --> 00:10:06,366 and a girlfriend who didn't know I was a 163 00:10:06,366 --> 00:10:06,675 junkie. 164 00:10:15,035 --> 00:10:17,989 For my friends, being a junkie was a full 165 00:10:17,989 --> 00:10:20,615 time job getting hold of her and wasn't 166 00:10:20,615 --> 00:10:22,256 easy and involved complex arrangements 167 00:10:22,256 --> 00:10:24,225 and a lot of waiting around. 168 00:10:33,095 --> 00:10:35,298 It generally meant visiting some grim 169 00:10:35,298 --> 00:10:38,091 places. Rock Hill 170 00:10:38,091 --> 00:10:40,423 and Postal and Glasgow were dangerous and 171 00:10:40,423 --> 00:10:42,755 you continually had to watch your back. 172 00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:48,252 I followed Chris as we tried to score 1/2 173 00:10:48,252 --> 00:10:51,039 gram, about 25 quids worth. Should 174 00:10:51,039 --> 00:10:52,748 have been enough to hold us together for 175 00:10:52,748 --> 00:10:53,175 the day. 176 00:10:55,725 --> 00:10:57,599 But there was a suspicion that the drug 177 00:10:57,599 --> 00:10:58,535 squad would close by. 178 00:11:01,905 --> 00:11:04,725 As we lay, we found out just how close. 179 00:11:18,726 --> 00:11:20,597 I was charged under the Misuse of Drugs 180 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,702 Act and spent a couple of nights in the 181 00:11:22,702 --> 00:11:25,406 cells. I was getting in too deep. 182 00:11:27,056 --> 00:11:29,444 Nearly every addict gets pulled up by the 183 00:11:29,444 --> 00:11:31,534 police at some time. Charges against me 184 00:11:31,534 --> 00:11:33,326 were eventually dropped, but many addicts 185 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,416 spend their days evading the police or 186 00:11:35,416 --> 00:11:37,506 the drug dealers they're in debt to. 187 00:11:40,236 --> 00:11:42,271 Came across a family on the run sleeping 188 00:11:42,271 --> 00:11:44,051 Rough Bear railway line in Glasgow's East 189 00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:44,306 End. 190 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:48,536 They've lost everything to heroin. 191 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,686 Think people see you from the train? 192 00:11:58,836 --> 00:12:00,243 I think they'll know what you're doing 193 00:12:00,243 --> 00:12:00,846 really, won't they? 194 00:12:06,356 --> 00:12:08,622 Sorry for swearing, but honestly I don't 195 00:12:08,622 --> 00:12:08,946 care. 196 00:12:11,596 --> 00:12:13,426 You don't care about yourself anymore. 197 00:12:14,296 --> 00:12:16,496 Since she lost her baby. No, you lost 198 00:12:16,496 --> 00:12:17,046 your baby. 199 00:12:19,456 --> 00:12:22,386 Mom, Son, Daughter, mom. 200 00:12:23,356 --> 00:12:24,826 Son. Daughter. 201 00:12:28,136 --> 00:12:30,911 The daughter wanted to show me some of 202 00:12:30,911 --> 00:12:32,645 the damage caused. Bear addiction. 203 00:12:32,645 --> 00:12:34,726 Actually, no getting the vein properly. 204 00:12:34,726 --> 00:12:37,501 It's an Abscess. I missed the vein. So 205 00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:40,276 what are you hitting up? Coke and heroin? 206 00:12:42,116 --> 00:12:45,022 As a junkies veins collapse, they need to 207 00:12:45,022 --> 00:12:47,565 shoot deep into their groins. Using dirty 208 00:12:47,565 --> 00:12:50,107 needles can lead not just to abscesses 209 00:12:50,107 --> 00:12:52,650 but also to gangrene and the amputation 210 00:12:52,650 --> 00:12:54,466 of limbs. This shocked me. 211 00:12:57,216 --> 00:12:59,970 It made my life, and those are my 212 00:12:59,970 --> 00:13:02,034 old junky pals, seem stable in 213 00:13:02,034 --> 00:13:04,099 comparison. I was getting through more 214 00:13:04,099 --> 00:13:06,853 than £100 a week on heroin, more than 215 00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:09,606 half my wages. I needed to escape this 216 00:13:09,606 --> 00:13:11,326 existence once and for all. 217 00:13:14,526 --> 00:13:17,322 In summer 2001, I decided to wean myself 218 00:13:17,322 --> 00:13:20,118 off the needle and took my last smoke 219 00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:20,817 of heroin. 220 00:13:22,957 --> 00:13:24,107 Nothing great. 221 00:13:27,647 --> 00:13:30,590 I was back on methadone. It was a godsend 222 00:13:30,590 --> 00:13:33,206 that stabilized me, but it was a strong 223 00:13:33,206 --> 00:13:35,822 drug with its own side effects and it 224 00:13:35,822 --> 00:13:37,457 began to wear me down. 225 00:13:39,597 --> 00:13:41,719 A crusade of the hellish routine. Going 226 00:13:41,719 --> 00:13:43,841 to the doctor, get my urine tested, 227 00:13:43,841 --> 00:13:45,964 picking up the meth room from the 228 00:13:45,964 --> 00:13:48,806 chemist. I was 229 00:13:48,806 --> 00:13:51,085 taking dose after dose to keep topped up 230 00:13:51,085 --> 00:13:53,648 in the drug. Got me off heroin but I 231 00:13:53,648 --> 00:13:55,357 found this chemical was affecting my 232 00:13:55,357 --> 00:13:58,145 mental health. People start 233 00:13:58,145 --> 00:14:00,118 to notice my erratic and strange 234 00:14:00,118 --> 00:14:02,572 behaviour. My relationship 235 00:14:02,572 --> 00:14:05,559 ended, I felt isolated and 236 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,347 lonely. That green 237 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,727 liquid keeps me together. 238 00:14:13,947 --> 00:14:16,677 That is what keeps me together. 239 00:14:22,507 --> 00:14:25,210 I had mood swings, manic highs, 240 00:14:25,210 --> 00:14:27,462 crushing depressive lows. My temperature 241 00:14:27,462 --> 00:14:30,164 fluctuated wildly and I felt ghostly 242 00:14:30,164 --> 00:14:32,867 and out of touch with the 243 00:14:32,867 --> 00:14:35,234 world. That 244 00:14:35,234 --> 00:14:37,860 pupil should look much 245 00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:40,487 larger. It's constricted by 246 00:14:40,487 --> 00:14:42,457 methadone, by opioids. 247 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,097 That is affecting my eyesight to some 248 00:14:47,097 --> 00:14:49,565 extent. Everything has a slight unreality 249 00:14:49,565 --> 00:14:50,387 to it. 250 00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,401 I'm completely and utterly 251 00:14:55,401 --> 00:14:58,313 sick of. Being an 252 00:14:58,313 --> 00:15:01,212 addict, simple as that. I do 253 00:15:01,212 --> 00:15:04,110 not want to be a methadone 254 00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:07,009 addict. I'm not. I'm not using 255 00:15:07,009 --> 00:15:09,424 any illegal drugs whatsoever. I'm 256 00:15:09,424 --> 00:15:11,607 completely. Tired of it? 257 00:15:12,657 --> 00:15:15,615 And I know it's my fault and I 258 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,572 know that I got into it, purposely got 259 00:15:18,572 --> 00:15:21,160 into it, but I'm just so ******* 260 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,378 desperate to escape it now. These 261 00:15:23,378 --> 00:15:24,488 depressions are are. 262 00:15:26,728 --> 00:15:29,666 Are borderline suicide. That 263 00:15:29,666 --> 00:15:32,537 I'm not the only addict that was talked 264 00:15:32,537 --> 00:15:35,048 about. It's there are plenty of other 265 00:15:35,048 --> 00:15:36,842 methadone addicts that say withdrawal 266 00:15:36,842 --> 00:15:39,714 from methadone is such. That you 267 00:15:39,714 --> 00:15:42,690 do. Have these very 268 00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:45,523 bleak?Depressing 269 00:15:45,523 --> 00:15:48,363 thoughts. And 270 00:15:48,363 --> 00:15:49,308 they do involve. 271 00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,810 You do have involve thoughts about 272 00:15:57,810 --> 00:15:58,718 killing yourself. 273 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,375 In summer of 2003 I cut my dose of 274 00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,612 methadone down and left glasses to travel 275 00:16:10,612 --> 00:16:13,169 up to see my mum. Slight withdrawal pain 276 00:16:13,169 --> 00:16:14,448 was hitting me already. 277 00:16:17,138 --> 00:16:19,604 My mother has been there for me so many 278 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:22,070 times in the past, but now I felt guilty 279 00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:23,988 about involving her in my drug problems. 280 00:16:28,628 --> 00:16:30,890 That started out making a film by other 281 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,153 junkies but now realized this was a film 282 00:16:33,153 --> 00:16:36,048 about me. I wanted to know 283 00:16:36,048 --> 00:16:37,798 what my mother's first memories of my 284 00:16:37,798 --> 00:16:40,098 addiction were. What was it that? 285 00:16:41,428 --> 00:16:44,357 That made you first realize that I was a 286 00:16:44,357 --> 00:16:47,081 drug addict. Because it was 287 00:16:47,081 --> 00:16:49,841 quite traumatic, wasn't it? Ohh. It was 288 00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:52,602 the day after your father's funeral. You 289 00:16:52,602 --> 00:16:55,362 came up from Edinburgh for your dad's 290 00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:58,122 funeral in 1985. Oh yeah. And Ian 291 00:16:58,122 --> 00:17:00,882 was downtown and he met somebody who 292 00:17:00,882 --> 00:17:03,642 said, do you know that your brother 293 00:17:03,642 --> 00:17:06,497 is taking drugs? And Ian said. Ohh 294 00:17:06,497 --> 00:17:09,221 no not David. And he said hard 295 00:17:09,221 --> 00:17:11,944 drugs and Ian immediately came home and 296 00:17:11,944 --> 00:17:14,667 said to me and I said go 297 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,390 and look in his rucksack and sure 298 00:17:17,390 --> 00:17:18,168 enough needles. 299 00:17:19,658 --> 00:17:21,848 A Turnkeys. 300 00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:25,569 And it was just absolutely devastating. 301 00:17:25,569 --> 00:17:28,299 It was far, far, far worse 302 00:17:28,299 --> 00:17:31,187 than your father's death. Because 303 00:17:31,187 --> 00:17:33,419 all I could think that you would be dead. 304 00:17:36,349 --> 00:17:37,881 They had a good upbringing. There's 305 00:17:37,881 --> 00:17:39,413 nothing there that would predict an 306 00:17:39,413 --> 00:17:42,156 interest in drugs. I felt 307 00:17:42,156 --> 00:17:44,735 cared for, did well at school and 308 00:17:44,735 --> 00:17:46,209 eventually graduated from university. 309 00:17:48,329 --> 00:17:51,164 I don't know how much that had an 310 00:17:51,164 --> 00:17:53,998 effect upon me, my father dying, but all 311 00:17:53,998 --> 00:17:56,479 I know is that my drug addiction. 312 00:17:57,349 --> 00:18:00,339 Escalated. And. 313 00:18:02,459 --> 00:18:05,172 I didn't care. I didn't care because I 314 00:18:05,172 --> 00:18:07,756 didn't have his opinions. And 315 00:18:07,756 --> 00:18:10,381 his judgments, too, bother me any 316 00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:10,819 more. 317 00:18:13,479 --> 00:18:16,126 I made a conscious decision to become a 318 00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:18,442 junkie. It was a rebellion against all 319 00:18:18,442 --> 00:18:20,427 had previously been an attempt to 320 00:18:20,427 --> 00:18:23,361 recreate myself. Had 321 00:18:23,361 --> 00:18:25,618 grown tired of that image and now I 322 00:18:25,618 --> 00:18:27,029 needed to change my life. 323 00:18:28,319 --> 00:18:31,035 Bloody fool. I don't know what what? I 324 00:18:31,035 --> 00:18:33,750 don't know why I got into that, that 325 00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:36,466 that way of thinking. I don't, I don't 326 00:18:36,466 --> 00:18:38,842 know what possessed me because I was 327 00:18:38,842 --> 00:18:40,539 quite a straight, normal guy. 328 00:18:42,369 --> 00:18:45,088 And it just got taken over by 329 00:18:45,088 --> 00:18:47,419 this demon, you know, and it's. 330 00:18:48,299 --> 00:18:50,668 Well, I don't understand it. I really 331 00:18:50,668 --> 00:18:52,699 don't understand it. Why became a 332 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,729 complete and utter obsession with me. 333 00:18:55,519 --> 00:18:58,327 There must be a very good feeling to 334 00:18:58,327 --> 00:19:01,135 kind of it wasn't really that all the 335 00:19:01,135 --> 00:19:02,889 time. It wasn't that great. 336 00:19:04,939 --> 00:19:07,038 It really wasn't that great. It was time 337 00:19:07,038 --> 00:19:09,959 to face up to it. Methadone was making 338 00:19:09,959 --> 00:19:12,089 me a shadow of what I felt it could be. 339 00:19:13,159 --> 00:19:16,149 This was it. Of this 340 00:19:16,149 --> 00:19:19,141 stuff. The crazy thing 341 00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:21,652 is methadone is more difficult to get off 342 00:19:21,652 --> 00:19:24,233 than heroin. I decided to lock myself 343 00:19:24,233 --> 00:19:26,639 away for a few days to try and break the 344 00:19:26,639 --> 00:19:29,510 habit. Ohh God I'm 345 00:19:29,510 --> 00:19:32,487 feeling bad. I slept all 346 00:19:32,487 --> 00:19:34,150 night last night, but um. 347 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,735 This this cold reality is hitting 348 00:19:40,735 --> 00:19:43,340 me. And that's. 349 00:19:45,020 --> 00:19:46,590 It's feeling pretty bad. 350 00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:50,880 This is methadone withdrawal. 351 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:53,980 Ohh hell I hate it. 352 00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:58,233 If this is day three, you imagine 353 00:19:58,233 --> 00:20:00,916 day four, day five, day six, day 354 00:20:00,916 --> 00:20:03,705 7. And you know it isn't 355 00:20:03,705 --> 00:20:05,160 going to get any better. 356 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,295 It's going to get worse, and the 357 00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:12,270 dreams and the visions and the pain 358 00:20:12,270 --> 00:20:14,820 of walking and talking and being. 359 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,755 Just being alive is a complete and utter 360 00:20:18,755 --> 00:20:19,110 chore. 361 00:20:22,590 --> 00:20:25,422 Being alive. Just 362 00:20:25,422 --> 00:20:26,590 doesn't seem worth it. 363 00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:32,496 It's stupid. I'm 364 00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:34,030 too old for all this now. 365 00:20:35,510 --> 00:20:37,490 Guess what? That lives straight life. 366 00:20:38,590 --> 00:20:40,816 I would just want to desperate to go away 367 00:20:40,816 --> 00:20:41,310 from this. 368 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:47,340 Cranky. 369 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,370 Ohh my doing to myself. 370 00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,730 Yeah. Gotcha. 371 00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:14,706 The withdrawal was too much, had blown 372 00:21:14,706 --> 00:21:17,050 it and was back on methadone. 373 00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:21,394 Was impossible to cope with it and needed 374 00:21:21,394 --> 00:21:22,840 something much more radical. 375 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,499 I first heard about Epic Game from my 376 00:21:27,499 --> 00:21:29,859 brother when he was living in New York in 377 00:21:29,859 --> 00:21:31,695 the late 90s. There were reports that 378 00:21:31,695 --> 00:21:33,530 addicts had been helped by this drug. 379 00:21:33,530 --> 00:21:35,628 Perhaps this could be what I was looking 380 00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:38,277 for. I've been doing 381 00:21:38,277 --> 00:21:40,411 a little bit of research and. 382 00:21:41,531 --> 00:21:44,173 Found. A lot 383 00:21:44,173 --> 00:21:46,681 of material on the Internet. 384 00:21:48,351 --> 00:21:50,389 The drug is derived from the powdered 385 00:21:50,389 --> 00:21:52,719 root bark of a W African shrub. The 386 00:21:52,719 --> 00:21:55,049 poetic people use it to induce a deep 387 00:21:55,049 --> 00:21:57,087 trance state as part of their initiation 388 00:21:57,087 --> 00:21:59,534 rituals into adulthood. But further 389 00:21:59,534 --> 00:22:01,647 research told me that people had died 390 00:22:01,647 --> 00:22:03,457 taking this drug through poisoning and 391 00:22:03,457 --> 00:22:06,278 heart failure. I still felt it was my 392 00:22:06,278 --> 00:22:06,771 best bet. 393 00:22:09,281 --> 00:22:12,211 And to me, that is tremendous, the fact. 394 00:22:13,591 --> 00:22:16,516 That that possibility is out 395 00:22:16,516 --> 00:22:19,365 there. It's what 396 00:22:19,365 --> 00:22:20,551 I want to go for. 397 00:22:22,331 --> 00:22:24,321 Because withdrawal. 398 00:22:25,931 --> 00:22:28,497 The accepted method of 399 00:22:28,497 --> 00:22:30,421 withdrawing from methadone. 400 00:22:32,261 --> 00:22:34,001 It's horrifically painful. 401 00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:39,820 Willing to take this chance anyway 402 00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:42,202 because I'm not happy with my life and I 403 00:22:42,202 --> 00:22:43,261 need to move ahead. 404 00:22:44,851 --> 00:22:47,691 So I really hope that this ever again. 405 00:22:47,691 --> 00:22:50,531 Gee whiz, I really really really want it 406 00:22:50,531 --> 00:22:53,471 to work. I need it to work. 407 00:22:54,451 --> 00:22:56,539 Because I'm completely desperate for this 408 00:22:56,539 --> 00:22:59,323 lifestyle. I can't. I mean, I'm all right 409 00:22:59,323 --> 00:23:02,234 now. But I 410 00:23:02,234 --> 00:23:05,039 just fear those painful 411 00:23:05,039 --> 00:23:06,441 mornings without. 412 00:23:08,611 --> 00:23:09,521 Ohh God. 413 00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:15,451 I'm just going to cut off at it. 414 00:23:17,391 --> 00:23:19,729 I felt I needed to tell my mom what I was 415 00:23:19,729 --> 00:23:22,223 planning. She'd also heard that ibogaine 416 00:23:22,223 --> 00:23:25,181 could be dangerous. Wanted to ask 417 00:23:25,181 --> 00:23:28,031 you about that. Are you all right? 418 00:23:33,262 --> 00:23:33,972 Umm. 419 00:23:36,672 --> 00:23:37,382 Well. 420 00:23:41,632 --> 00:23:44,342 Well. I can't see 421 00:23:44,342 --> 00:23:46,745 David. I mean, I'm frightened in case 422 00:23:46,745 --> 00:23:49,148 something happens to you. When were you 423 00:23:49,148 --> 00:23:50,522 planning to do it? 424 00:23:53,872 --> 00:23:55,102 By the end of August. 425 00:23:57,872 --> 00:24:00,378 And there will be a doctor in attendance, 426 00:24:00,378 --> 00:24:03,198 make sure of that. Yes, I think so. Yeah. 427 00:24:03,198 --> 00:24:06,110 Yeah, we'll do that. Well, 428 00:24:06,110 --> 00:24:07,914 you'll just have to do it, David, 429 00:24:07,914 --> 00:24:10,656 because. You can't go on 430 00:24:10,656 --> 00:24:12,785 the way that you are. It's depressing me. 431 00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,382 Everything, umm, I can't stand it. 432 00:24:17,642 --> 00:24:19,662 Well done, Take care. 433 00:24:21,592 --> 00:24:23,738 That was it. I told my mother and my 434 00:24:23,738 --> 00:24:25,884 brother I had made-up my mind to go for 435 00:24:25,884 --> 00:24:26,122 it. 436 00:24:32,792 --> 00:24:35,156 In Glasgow, I prepared myself for the 437 00:24:35,156 --> 00:24:38,133 ordeal ahead. I heard that the Epic game 438 00:24:38,133 --> 00:24:39,734 could seriously slow the heart rate right 439 00:24:39,734 --> 00:24:42,652 down. But dad had died of 440 00:24:42,652 --> 00:24:44,908 heart failure, so I decided to get a 441 00:24:44,908 --> 00:24:47,222 cardio check. These are all. 442 00:24:48,582 --> 00:24:51,093 Herbs that help me detoxify. This is from 443 00:24:51,093 --> 00:24:52,662 my heart. This is Hawthorne. 444 00:24:54,762 --> 00:24:56,272 Put 10 drops in this in. 445 00:25:04,422 --> 00:25:07,224 That's plenty of that. What 446 00:25:07,224 --> 00:25:08,352 I do is say. 447 00:25:10,892 --> 00:25:13,022 Daily regime of. 448 00:25:15,882 --> 00:25:18,632 Juicing as well so. 449 00:25:20,182 --> 00:25:23,038 Kill these carrots a bit. Broccoli, 450 00:25:23,038 --> 00:25:25,893 apples, oranges. And I suppose it's 451 00:25:25,893 --> 00:25:28,272 ironic because they've been taking. 452 00:25:29,752 --> 00:25:32,483 Hard drugs in the past and I'm 453 00:25:32,483 --> 00:25:33,653 still taking methadone. 454 00:25:35,203 --> 00:25:37,563 Do a bit of exercise using my bike. 455 00:25:46,593 --> 00:25:48,739 It was the weekend before the epic game 456 00:25:48,739 --> 00:25:50,616 treatment and my story was in the 457 00:25:50,616 --> 00:25:53,108 Scottish papers. Documentary 458 00:25:53,108 --> 00:25:55,833 maker may film his own 459 00:25:55,833 --> 00:25:58,558 death. These Sunday newspaper articles 460 00:25:58,558 --> 00:26:00,193 are pretty lurid. 461 00:26:01,673 --> 00:26:02,883 This is. 462 00:26:05,793 --> 00:26:08,423 Really concentrating on the. 463 00:26:09,153 --> 00:26:11,189 Very slight chance that I could be 464 00:26:11,189 --> 00:26:14,138 filming my own days. It's 465 00:26:14,138 --> 00:26:16,623 bizarre, but seeing in print scares me 466 00:26:16,623 --> 00:26:19,507 even more. Obviously the newspapers 467 00:26:19,507 --> 00:26:22,338 are going to go for this death 468 00:26:22,338 --> 00:26:25,149 angle. Not realizing of 469 00:26:25,149 --> 00:26:27,575 course that I'm completely demented 470 00:26:27,575 --> 00:26:30,487 taking methadone and will not don't 471 00:26:30,487 --> 00:26:33,206 want to live. Alive 472 00:26:33,206 --> 00:26:36,061 taking methadone. Our 473 00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:38,933 crazed epigene induced 474 00:26:38,933 --> 00:26:41,806 rave of dewitty 475 00:26:41,806 --> 00:26:44,650 tribesmen. And this 476 00:26:44,650 --> 00:26:46,663 is, I suppose, what I'm going to be like. 477 00:26:55,133 --> 00:26:57,073 The morning of the day I travelled to 478 00:26:57,073 --> 00:26:58,043 London for the treatment. 479 00:27:05,143 --> 00:27:07,277 I took my last dose of methadone. Without 480 00:27:07,277 --> 00:27:09,410 it I couldn't imagine how I would cope 481 00:27:09,410 --> 00:27:11,543 with the noise and chaos of the city. 482 00:27:14,193 --> 00:27:16,647 Death seemed a very real prospect, and I 483 00:27:16,647 --> 00:27:18,793 realized I had to make a will. 484 00:27:22,153 --> 00:27:24,778 Ohh boy how do you make a last will and 485 00:27:24,778 --> 00:27:25,303 ******* testament? 486 00:27:28,633 --> 00:27:30,543 Ohh boy, right? 487 00:27:32,073 --> 00:27:33,943 Here we go, 12. 488 00:27:37,404 --> 00:27:40,046 Last will and testament 489 00:27:40,046 --> 00:27:42,689 recorded by David Graham 490 00:27:42,689 --> 00:27:45,331 Scott, Thursday 21st of 491 00:27:45,331 --> 00:27:47,974 August 2000 and 3/12/23. 492 00:27:48,824 --> 00:27:50,910 Approximately 12:23 493 00:27:50,910 --> 00:27:53,830 PM. I would 494 00:27:53,830 --> 00:27:56,414 like. My 495 00:27:56,414 --> 00:27:59,239 flat. The proceeds 496 00:27:59,239 --> 00:28:02,052 from that. To 497 00:28:02,052 --> 00:28:04,751 go to my mother. For the suffering she's 498 00:28:04,751 --> 00:28:06,727 had to go through all those years with 499 00:28:06,727 --> 00:28:09,404 me. And. 500 00:28:10,554 --> 00:28:11,574 Hopefully. 501 00:28:14,104 --> 00:28:15,054 I'm sorry. 502 00:28:17,184 --> 00:28:18,304 I'm really sorry. 503 00:28:23,574 --> 00:28:25,324 I'm sorry it's had to end this way. 504 00:28:28,914 --> 00:28:30,704 His empty bottles of methadone. 505 00:28:35,524 --> 00:28:38,455 I don't know why I've collected them 506 00:28:38,455 --> 00:28:38,874 but. 507 00:28:43,724 --> 00:28:46,324 OK, well I guess if 508 00:28:46,324 --> 00:28:48,924 it got really stuck, ran 509 00:28:48,924 --> 00:28:51,724 out. I could get 510 00:28:51,724 --> 00:28:54,336 the dregs at the bottom, see there's tiny 511 00:28:54,336 --> 00:28:56,949 little bits at the bottom, but I just 512 00:28:56,949 --> 00:28:59,888 need to get rid of them now. Just sit 513 00:28:59,888 --> 00:29:00,214 there. 514 00:29:03,894 --> 00:29:05,084 Linked with this stuff. 515 00:29:14,164 --> 00:29:16,644 That's a clever doggie, right? You've got 516 00:29:16,644 --> 00:29:19,479 to go in here for a few days 517 00:29:19,479 --> 00:29:22,313 and I'll come back to see you and 518 00:29:22,313 --> 00:29:24,084 I'll be all right, Carla. 519 00:29:25,544 --> 00:29:28,014 OK, I took my weed dog over to friend's 520 00:29:28,014 --> 00:29:30,210 house and set off to London for the 521 00:29:30,210 --> 00:29:30,484 treatment. 522 00:29:33,784 --> 00:29:35,454 There was no going back. 523 00:29:40,935 --> 00:29:43,406 Here I am in London, Kings Cross just 524 00:29:43,406 --> 00:29:45,569 walked out and luckily the guy doesn't 525 00:29:45,569 --> 00:29:46,805 live that far because. 526 00:29:48,555 --> 00:29:51,185 As you can see, I've got a heap of bags. 527 00:29:52,335 --> 00:29:54,275 That's on my camera equipment. 528 00:29:56,615 --> 00:29:57,365 There we go. 529 00:30:03,205 --> 00:30:06,135 I've made contact with Edward, one of the 530 00:30:06,135 --> 00:30:08,332 underground network of people willing to 531 00:30:08,332 --> 00:30:10,896 treat addicts with their began this legal 532 00:30:10,896 --> 00:30:11,995 but unlicensed substance. 533 00:30:19,245 --> 00:30:21,118 The night before the full treatment, 534 00:30:21,118 --> 00:30:23,615 Edward prepared a test dose of the drug. 535 00:30:24,745 --> 00:30:26,989 Wasn't expected to feel much but it was 536 00:30:26,989 --> 00:30:29,234 important to see if I would have an 537 00:30:29,234 --> 00:30:29,795 allergic reaction. 538 00:30:32,025 --> 00:30:33,735 OK, here we go. 539 00:30:38,235 --> 00:30:39,325 There's a warrant. 540 00:30:40,905 --> 00:30:41,235 Hmm. 541 00:30:48,185 --> 00:30:50,965 Feeling a bit strange, bit dissociated. 542 00:30:52,245 --> 00:30:53,465 More so than ever. 543 00:31:04,325 --> 00:31:07,168 So here I am, back where we began this 544 00:31:07,168 --> 00:31:09,063 film, tagging Epigen, which feels like 545 00:31:09,063 --> 00:31:11,274 the most crucial thing I've done to 546 00:31:11,274 --> 00:31:13,485 myself since my first shot of heroin. 547 00:31:16,795 --> 00:31:18,930 I'm frightened about the enormity of 548 00:31:18,930 --> 00:31:21,065 losing myself and not being aware. 549 00:31:21,855 --> 00:31:24,105 That loss of 550 00:31:24,105 --> 00:31:26,355 identity in supreme. 551 00:31:27,235 --> 00:31:30,219 Drug use. You know, 552 00:31:30,219 --> 00:31:32,963 and a supreme moment, I meant to 553 00:31:32,963 --> 00:31:33,355 say. 554 00:31:40,606 --> 00:31:42,508 Lose yourself in the Ohh, yeah, that's 555 00:31:42,508 --> 00:31:44,411 right. Geez, I'm starting to, I can't 556 00:31:44,411 --> 00:31:46,314 remember what I'm saying a little bit 557 00:31:46,314 --> 00:31:49,226 now. Losing a coordination 558 00:31:49,226 --> 00:31:51,909 of my thoughts a little 559 00:31:51,909 --> 00:31:54,602 bit. Probably 560 00:31:54,602 --> 00:31:57,576 quite something. 10 times that amount. 561 00:31:59,306 --> 00:32:02,176 15. 15 times. 562 00:32:02,966 --> 00:32:05,582 Do you think I need that 563 00:32:05,582 --> 00:32:08,199 made correct dosage is between 15 564 00:32:08,199 --> 00:32:10,816 milligrams to 18 milligrams per kilogram. 565 00:32:12,176 --> 00:32:14,496 For your body weight, OK, but it's going 566 00:32:14,496 --> 00:32:15,366 to be a. 567 00:32:17,796 --> 00:32:19,666 OK, lasting drug annually. 568 00:32:22,886 --> 00:32:25,036 That doesn't mean it's necessarily bad. 569 00:32:26,826 --> 00:32:29,554 The morning of the treatment. I'm really 570 00:32:29,554 --> 00:32:31,320 apprehensive about the prospect of taking 571 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,086 such a huge dose of ibogaine. 572 00:32:34,496 --> 00:32:36,101 But with methadone withdrawals sitting 573 00:32:36,101 --> 00:32:38,026 in, I have to go on. 574 00:32:39,376 --> 00:32:41,435 That's what we're going to do. We're 575 00:32:41,435 --> 00:32:43,788 going to stagger the dose will gauge how 576 00:32:43,788 --> 00:32:46,435 the effects of our Yeah, I'll ask you a 577 00:32:46,435 --> 00:32:48,493 number of questions, but also there's a 578 00:32:48,493 --> 00:32:50,258 consideration for nausea in case you're 579 00:32:50,258 --> 00:32:50,846 maybe sick. 580 00:32:54,526 --> 00:32:56,446 Hello might seem crazy but I know what 581 00:32:56,446 --> 00:32:56,926 I'm doing. 582 00:32:59,776 --> 00:33:00,976 Becoming a ghost. 583 00:33:04,766 --> 00:33:06,962 I'm gonna come out of this and take it 584 00:33:06,962 --> 00:33:09,731 off. I'm no longer the 585 00:33:09,731 --> 00:33:11,386 ghost that I was. 586 00:33:13,716 --> 00:33:16,672 I'm not a methadone ghost anymore, and 587 00:33:16,672 --> 00:33:19,206 that's the idea. It's a ritual. 588 00:33:20,486 --> 00:33:22,396 Ohh, my own devising really. 589 00:33:23,816 --> 00:33:24,806 It will end. 590 00:33:26,726 --> 00:33:29,683 When I take this makeup off. As 591 00:33:29,683 --> 00:33:30,866 soon as this is off. 592 00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:35,256 My method of addiction is finished. 593 00:33:40,116 --> 00:33:41,346 OK, you might still do scam. 594 00:33:42,917 --> 00:33:45,734 10:20 AM I take the first of the 595 00:33:45,734 --> 00:33:48,087 capsules. Put it off. 596 00:33:57,657 --> 00:33:58,577 Here we go. 597 00:34:03,297 --> 00:34:05,909 40 minutes in, experience the first 598 00:34:05,909 --> 00:34:08,521 effects. A wave of fear hits 599 00:34:08,521 --> 00:34:08,957 me. 600 00:34:14,007 --> 00:34:14,697 It's OK. 601 00:34:21,837 --> 00:34:24,597 Ohh. Let 602 00:34:24,597 --> 00:34:27,547 yourself feel the fear. Umm. 603 00:34:42,847 --> 00:34:43,287 OK. 604 00:34:46,207 --> 00:34:46,817 Understand. 605 00:34:48,887 --> 00:34:49,767 You're fine. 606 00:35:03,487 --> 00:35:05,907 Just came to me, it's OK. 607 00:35:07,017 --> 00:35:08,317 You're allowed to be scared. 608 00:35:17,057 --> 00:35:19,834 11:30 AM The drug really kicks 609 00:35:19,834 --> 00:35:22,147 in. Feels like I'm dying. 610 00:35:26,487 --> 00:35:29,362 Ohh. Ohh God 611 00:35:29,362 --> 00:35:31,347 this is a strange substance. 612 00:35:40,327 --> 00:35:42,487 Booty, 613 00:35:42,487 --> 00:35:44,647 booty. 614 00:35:45,908 --> 00:35:46,608 Rules. 615 00:35:48,338 --> 00:35:51,238 Plea. Town. 616 00:35:54,648 --> 00:35:55,438 Face. 617 00:35:59,478 --> 00:36:02,418 Today. I 618 00:36:02,418 --> 00:36:04,338 don't know what I'm saying. Sucking. 619 00:36:05,638 --> 00:36:06,758 Mixed up. 620 00:36:08,398 --> 00:36:10,888 You haven't ******* clue what's going on. 621 00:36:14,028 --> 00:36:15,088 Good God. 622 00:36:17,388 --> 00:36:20,001 Just release me from this please. 623 00:36:20,001 --> 00:36:21,308 Somebody, something, somewhere. 624 00:36:23,028 --> 00:36:25,713 And. WAVY 625 00:36:25,713 --> 00:36:27,991 lines appear around bright objects and I 626 00:36:27,991 --> 00:36:30,268 hear a strange hum in my head. 627 00:36:36,388 --> 00:36:38,018 I need to go to the toilet. 628 00:36:42,328 --> 00:36:45,142 An hour and a half in and my legs feel 629 00:36:45,142 --> 00:36:47,392 like Jelly and I lose all sense of 630 00:36:47,392 --> 00:36:49,080 balance and coordination. I feel nauseous 631 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,331 but I'm desperate not to throw up the 632 00:36:51,331 --> 00:36:52,738 precious ibogaine in my stomach. 633 00:37:09,488 --> 00:37:10,958 Ohh God help me. 634 00:37:14,928 --> 00:37:15,978 We decode it. 635 00:37:20,998 --> 00:37:23,577 Within a couple of hours you'll lose all 636 00:37:23,577 --> 00:37:26,479 sense of identity. I don't want to go any 637 00:37:26,479 --> 00:37:27,768 further, I've had enough. 638 00:37:32,068 --> 00:37:35,055 Ohh God. Come 639 00:37:35,055 --> 00:37:37,351 on. But I still need to complete the 640 00:37:37,351 --> 00:37:38,498 treatment with more capsules. 641 00:37:41,118 --> 00:37:42,238 It's very little in it. 642 00:37:47,859 --> 00:37:50,730 Come on. No, take it. You need to take 643 00:37:50,730 --> 00:37:53,598 it. The last of the capsule 644 00:37:53,598 --> 00:37:55,682 send me spiraling into a very strange 645 00:37:55,682 --> 00:37:57,767 space. This is what the Beauty tribe 646 00:37:57,767 --> 00:38:00,737 called the Dream phase. I can't 647 00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:03,457 think who or what I 648 00:38:03,457 --> 00:38:06,178 am. The ******* bizarre drug 649 00:38:06,178 --> 00:38:08,899 getting some funny booty distortions. 650 00:38:11,049 --> 00:38:12,279 Spaceships. 651 00:38:13,969 --> 00:38:15,279 Orange boots. 652 00:38:17,259 --> 00:38:19,610 The strange visions grow stronger. My 653 00:38:19,610 --> 00:38:21,569 pulse rate slows right down. 654 00:38:44,129 --> 00:38:44,769 Umm. 655 00:38:48,389 --> 00:38:50,179 The intensity is now over. 656 00:38:51,159 --> 00:38:52,209 Thank God. 657 00:38:53,909 --> 00:38:56,630 Good tensity is over. Yeah, 658 00:38:56,630 --> 00:38:59,379 frightening stuff. Yeah. 659 00:39:01,369 --> 00:39:03,303 And through the first day of treatment 660 00:39:03,303 --> 00:39:05,514 and I'm alive. But now I'm worried that 661 00:39:05,514 --> 00:39:08,388 the drug hasn't worked. If 662 00:39:08,388 --> 00:39:10,302 you have no eye began, you've just gone 663 00:39:10,302 --> 00:39:11,019 straight into this. 664 00:39:13,229 --> 00:39:15,502 Method of withdrawal at this period of 665 00:39:15,502 --> 00:39:17,776 time, what would you be filled by 666 00:39:17,776 --> 00:39:19,399 comparison? Ohh, a lot worse. 667 00:39:21,429 --> 00:39:22,419 Lot worse. 668 00:39:25,179 --> 00:39:27,341 And worry I'm only imagining I feel 669 00:39:27,341 --> 00:39:30,115 better. But I begin to notice 670 00:39:30,115 --> 00:39:31,479 the withdrawal gradually subsiding. 671 00:39:33,689 --> 00:39:36,107 Satan Day after the treatment, I'm able 672 00:39:36,107 --> 00:39:38,179 to get up and walk about. 673 00:39:38,869 --> 00:39:41,704 Managed to go out and wash my face and 674 00:39:41,704 --> 00:39:44,537 have a shave. And 675 00:39:44,537 --> 00:39:47,204 that felt good. But 676 00:39:47,204 --> 00:39:50,049 generally. Twitchy legs, 677 00:39:50,049 --> 00:39:52,080 but there's still quite a good feeling 678 00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:52,660 within me. 679 00:39:56,010 --> 00:39:59,007 Reborn feeling day three and I'm ready 680 00:39:59,007 --> 00:40:00,720 to start living again. 681 00:40:03,240 --> 00:40:06,110 But even the simplest things need to 682 00:40:06,110 --> 00:40:08,160 be relearned. The methadone withdrawal, 683 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,030 which normally lasts for weeks and weeks, 684 00:40:11,030 --> 00:40:13,080 has almost disappeared. Really hard 685 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:13,490 walking. 686 00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:32,347 That could hardly walk couple of days ago 687 00:40:32,347 --> 00:40:35,077 and I can walk, you know, a bit better 688 00:40:35,077 --> 00:40:37,200 and a bit better still a bit. 689 00:40:37,730 --> 00:40:40,630 Yeah, definitely. Yeah, it's 690 00:40:40,630 --> 00:40:42,492 definitely worked. There's no doubt. It's 691 00:40:42,492 --> 00:40:44,043 definitely worked. Edward, You've done 692 00:40:44,043 --> 00:40:46,835 well. I mean, I, I know that I would 693 00:40:46,835 --> 00:40:49,006 never get over that treatment after all 694 00:40:49,006 --> 00:40:51,178 those years of taking methadone and never 695 00:40:51,178 --> 00:40:53,660 be able to kick that habit, and you've 696 00:40:53,660 --> 00:40:56,514 done it. Just stick my hand 697 00:40:56,514 --> 00:40:56,770 out. 698 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:00,830 Cheers. 699 00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:04,410 Speak to you soon. 700 00:41:06,810 --> 00:41:09,029 I've now had a decent couple of nights 701 00:41:09,029 --> 00:41:11,248 sleep. I feel little of the usual hellish 702 00:41:11,248 --> 00:41:13,606 withdrawal from methadone. But time will 703 00:41:13,606 --> 00:41:15,508 tell if I'm completely rid of my 704 00:41:15,508 --> 00:41:15,780 addiction. 705 00:41:25,250 --> 00:41:27,545 Seven months now since I've done the 706 00:41:27,545 --> 00:41:30,168 treatment and I feel there's so much more 707 00:41:30,168 --> 00:41:32,462 alive. It's great, it's fantastic and I 708 00:41:32,462 --> 00:41:35,085 feel like my brains rewired with this. I 709 00:41:35,085 --> 00:41:37,864 began treatment. Recently caught with 710 00:41:37,864 --> 00:41:40,254 Chris and Dennis. They're off heroin and 711 00:41:40,254 --> 00:41:42,302 onto the methadone program. DL's in 712 00:41:42,302 --> 00:41:44,350 prison but he's due out soon. 713 00:41:47,020 --> 00:41:49,480 I know I'm drug free but why should 714 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:50,710 anyone else believe me? 715 00:41:53,901 --> 00:41:54,581 Results. 716 00:41:57,141 --> 00:41:59,983 Drug tests, Urine sample I gave 717 00:41:59,983 --> 00:42:00,931 last week. 718 00:42:03,941 --> 00:42:06,611 Oh oh, bit nervous about this. 719 00:42:08,411 --> 00:42:11,103 Feel it could be some residual drugs 720 00:42:11,103 --> 00:42:13,796 have been laying there for seven months 721 00:42:13,796 --> 00:42:16,181 hopefully. All right. 722 00:42:24,341 --> 00:42:26,701 Amphetamines negative. 723 00:42:26,701 --> 00:42:29,061 Methadone negative. 724 00:42:29,941 --> 00:42:32,367 Opiates negative. Cocaine 725 00:42:32,367 --> 00:42:34,793 negative. Drugs of 726 00:42:34,793 --> 00:42:36,411 abuse? None. 727 00:42:37,631 --> 00:42:39,878 Him reported 728 00:42:39,878 --> 00:42:42,124 1413. State 729 00:42:42,124 --> 00:42:44,371 reported 29304. 730 00:42:48,711 --> 00:42:51,351 You're going to read 731 00:42:51,351 --> 00:42:53,991 just what you're SO. 732 00:43:13,871 --> 00:43:33,871 733 00:43:34,031 --> 00:43:35,121